Survived the Ides of March

in all their various forms.

I let a driver pull out in front of me because he and his passenger both wore baseball caps.

Let me quote a wise uncle of mine on the matter:

“Firstly, there are farmers with cloth caps who are usually driving a car that cost up to £350 and whose indicators either don’t work, or which work erratically. They often have a trailer, or failing that, up to three sheep in the rear seat. They drive at tractor speed at all times and make sudden left or right turns without notice.

Secondly, there are male pensioners who usually wear a trilby. They are very cross about why everyone needs to drive so fast, when they know there is absolutely no reason to hurry. As a consequence, they drive even slower and ensure that no one can overtake them, just to teach them a lesson in good manners.

Thirdly, there are middle aged ladies en-route to WI or Chapel meetings. Their hats require pins to keep them in place and these ladies always travel in groups of four. This means that four simultaneous conversations will be taking place and that scant attention is being given to other road users.

Finally there are baseball caps. These are always a danger sign, especially if worn with the peak to the rear. The vehicle is likely to be on the cusp of failing its MOT but this fact is disguised by large shiny exhaust pipes, fiberglass spoilers on the boot and tinted windows.  The driver will not hear you approaching as he will have super woofer speakers on full bass which, because the windows will also be open, are a threat to pedestrians in close proximity (say half a mile). They need to demonstrate to other road users and to the two chicks in the rear seat that they are strong competition to Michael Schumacher and will overtake on blind bends, brows of hills and at pedestrian crossings.

Fail to beware of hatted drivers at your peril.”

Also dad learnt how to make a cake on his course (I’m sure it was the right one though) and all the rest of us seem to be doing ok.

I put Lily in a shepherd-style muslin this morning and it made me laugh. I also tried tying a ribbon around her head, but it wasn’t as funny as the garter I saw around one baby girl’s visage a couple of weeks ago. After Ricki Lake, apparently.


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