Depression Toolkit #24: Good times

I am on the upward curve, and the view is improving.

Not long ago, if I had spent more than ten minutes in public I would have been like this inside:

This weekend, I managed two long train journeys, 8 hours in company at a fabulous wedding and the proof-reading and checking of a 10,000 word thesis for a friend. The sustained improvement in concentration and general absence of panic are hugely satisfying. I can honestly say I am feeling drained but fired up at the same time. Some elements were important in this, not least the medication, positive thinking and allowing myself not to need to be perfect. Also the presence of my husband, the kind and thoughtful university friends, games on my mobile, inspiring reading matter and the opportunity to take many many photos were a blessing in their own ways. We visited the amazing Lindisfarne Gospels exhibition in Durham; I highly recommend it should you get the opportunity this summer as it ticked many boxes for me. We had the comfort of knowing that the children were being very well looked after by my parents too, despite forgetting to transfer the car seats and causing extra work for them.

There was also incredibly good news from my brother and his wife. Their fourth child arrived safely on Saturday and completes the family. They now have two boys and two girls, and it was a huge relief and joy to hear the news, despite worrying in advance that I wouldn’t be able to manage hearing about a new baby in the family. One of my concerns has been in finding identity as a mother of two when I would have loved four children. Future child-bearing is not a decision which has to be fully decided at this point however – and we will probably stop at two in all likelihood. This season of life has given me much opportunity to think and has softened my heart towards those whose nests are, for whatever reason, less full than they would like. I was overjoyed and excited at the good news of my new niece’s early arrival. Far more than I would have anticipated. I can’t wait to see her photo and in time to hold her. She is utterly special and unique and is our little princess.