Time for a change of subject. On the blog, and maybe in the classroom.
Dad has told me that he may have the right contacts for me to do a spot of RE teaching, instead of maths. I know that as a maths teacher I am in demand (well, in most places), but I am open to considering different options now. Especially as my union want some money and I ought to tell them what I’m doing now. Alternatively, I could focus all my time on raising a family and doing things to benefit my community. I also want to do some writing. Just for fun, and because creative things are in my head, wanting to be born.
If I write anything with a view to publication, it certainly won’t be maths books. I am exploring what I feel passionate about writing about and having a think about marketability. I don’t need to be published, but I need to know about what’s out there and what I’m trying to achieve. The writing needs to be an end in itself I feel. So many people believe they have a book which should be published and only a fraction make it. (Not always the right fraction). Recently I feel like I’ve had to grieve the loss of my job, friends and status as a teacher (alongside some rejection issues) and have now moved through the usual stages of denial, anger and depression and I think I’ve accepted where I’m at. I am a lot more comfortable in myself. I may just focus on short things for friends and family, or write a story in my spare time and self-publish when I think it is ready. Before I married, I got my husband’s permission that if I were ever to write a book it would go out in my maiden name. This is because I value the remarkable input that my family have had on my thinking, creative interests and literary appreciation. The times around the table growing up that we had meaningful chats about books, or on the trips to and from university with dad, have made me want to honour the legacy. Also it is higher up the alphabet, which is important for marketing. I had even wondered about calling my surname Andrews just to get right in the first shelves, but then I remembered that no one stops at the very first shelf in a book shop. It just isn’t cool.
Don’t laugh at me for thinking like this. When I tell people that we carefully consider how we are going to pay for Lily’s possible-but-in-no-way-inevitable university fees already, they usually remark on our fore-sightedness in a positive way. I just like thinking ahead.
Tomorrow the health visitor is dropping in again to check that I am not getting overwhelmed and that Lily’s head has grown in circumference (it will have been a week – I haven’t thought of a legal remedy for a small head in that time). However, she is well in proportion and if the health visitor is concerned I will have to point out that it does not impede upon such important childhood experiences as negotiating cat-flaps, dressing up and getting your head out of railings when you tried to see whether it would fit. As long as she is not small-minded, I have no issues with my daughter having a small (and perfectly formed) head.