As part of my preparation for birth, I’ve been finding out about transactional analysis. Although I don’t want to subscribe wholesale to theories without testing them and reading up first, I’ve already found it quite helpful in understanding various relationships and putting things into context.
I realise that I sometimes treat other people like children, and this may be my maternal instincts. This is ok when I am dealing with children (e.g. at work) but it’s not fair on others when a more adult relationship is necessary. I’m working on this. I also sometimes expect to be treated like a child, and have recently learnt, along with my parents, how to converse well as adults, while maintaining the parent-child role that will always be there. They are particularly good at helping out while we have builders round and my pregnancy raises extra needs.
But sometimes I am treated like a child against my will by people, and that hurts. It’s not deliberate, but some people may be reluctant for me to be an adult, and sometimes I do not have what it takes to question that. I hate upsetting the balance.
In many ways, the conflicting advice I receive from all sources about parenting are welcome; I want lots of advice so that I can sift out the most appropriate for us. I often feel like I should please everyone, but that is just not possible.
So I want to break free from always conforming. I don’t want to be treated like a child. Soon I will be a mother, and I will make decisions, along with my husband. Some will be based on reason or experience of others. Some will be based on convenience and affordability. Some will be based on long-standing personal preference or taste. But I am learning that it is ok for me to want things done my way, and to accept the consequences. I am not a child.