I read a few years ago that a major cause of stress and depression is unfulfilled expectations.
In some ways I am glad for dad’s enforced sabbatical, although I would never wish him the pain. It sounds like they are learning new recipes (mackerel and gooseberries?!), walking further each day and taking lots of good advice.
However the selfish daughter part of me wants to spend decent time with dad, and one thing I had looked forward to for months was our trip to London in two Saturdays’ time together to go to a conference for Christian teachers. He is the chairman of the association, and it will be my first conference with him. It had been an expectation that I was really looking forward to; going by train or car together and chatting about all those issues we talk about that no one else has the patience to listen to.
Weirdly, it is going to be held in the hotel where dad had to say goodbye to my sister before she flew out to NZ a few weeks back. They had met up there as she had to stay overnight in London, and he had been on an inspection. That may be hard for me, in my sentimental understanding of life.
So, with far too much on my plate right now, I’m having to go alone now. And dad, stuck at home, wanting to be there no doubt. I also want his advice on school things, but it just isn’t the time to ask. Some of my classes are very difficult to control, and I am out of ideas. (At least tomorrow I only have year 7s all day and we’re designing new schools in teams. Should be great fun!)
Normally with unfulfilled expectations I just grit my teeth and push through and pretend I didn’t expect them. But now I feel I ought to be honest about the fact I’m mad about this. That may help fight any depressive feelings.